Struggling with myself....

Am having very difficult day today- or rather it has been so far-there is still time for it to improve! I've been having problems with my computer refusing to open or opening and then crashing and though Sid has spent quite a lot of time on it he says he is running out of options. This probably means sending it to computer hospital, which has all sorts of implications that don't bear thinking about. So, earlier, trying not to be daunted, I got together my china pieces to sell, along with some jewellery samples to show a shop in Stratford (also to meet Peter re some radio show stuff) and set off in the car. Coming out of the drive the car made a ghastly noise and seemed to list to the right.I drew into the next turning opposite the house  and discovered that I had a completely flat front tyre. So flat, in fact that I couldn't get it pumped up with my footpump. Had to throw myself on the mercies of our marvellous and trusty repair man, Tim, and he agreed to come out and take a look at it ASAP. So that put paid to my trip to Stratford, at least for today! So I now have the prospect of no computer and a possible bill to repair it, and no car and a possible bill for that too...and to add insult to injury (yes, really- INJURY!), my hip and back seems a bit worse again today (probably due to the short walk we did yesterday).Unsurprisingly I am feeling very down and fed up. I feel as if every attempt I make to try and improve things/earn money/get a job, is being thwarted at every turn! I'm feeling a bit trapped and don't know which way to go.
The computer has all my files on it not to mention all my email contacts, and although I can do a limited amount on Sid's laptop, it means I can't organise or prepare anything for classes or the souk- it could be very serious if I can't get it fixed pronto. BUT I just don't have any money to pay for any of this!
Just before I started writing I read my previous blog and I reckon I should be listening to myself more- I was writing about the need for change and how it should start with yourself. I'm not taking my own advice! Peter reckons that I'm due for a kind of spiritual 'clearout', and I'm inclined to agree. I feel as if I'm being backed into a corner so I have no choice but to go within and consult with my higher self. I do have a sense of having to let go of certain ways of doing things, and needing to change my mind set...but that can be very hard. But it doesn't look as if I have any choice!
All I can say for now is....watch this space!