The Trials and Tribulations of Work......

Surprised to find how long it's been since my last blog! I've thought about doing it a number of times, but I've either been too busy or too fed up. Strange how things do seem to swing from one extreme to another...or is that just my bi-polar emotional state...or even my lack of control over my moods?! I know I can be a bit of a drama queen, but things have got quite bad recently. It's all about the money- again!
Although I'm valliantly trying to find gigs and jobs, and trying to find creative ways to earn a living, I'm still just not earning enough to keep body and soul together! Thank goodness Sid is earning a regular wage, or we would be in serious trouble. I'm trying to remain optimistic in the face of adversity and hope that some of my many ideas will come to fruition- no one can say I'm not trying hard! So....I have managed to get a jewellery workshop arranged with a local needlecraft shop, and a taster session for a women's group, a couple of stalls at craft fairs and an indulgence day, as well as stalls at 5 haflas between now and Xmas. That might seem like a lot, but the haflas and craft events are always a risk- like the other day when we took the stall to Witney, I only made enough to pay for the stall fee. I've also been given a sweet little digital camera by a wonderful, lovely friend, so I have now opened an online shop at Folksy to sell my jewellery. Am quite excited about this, despite the fact that I haven't sold anything yet...but give it time. Once I have advertised it at a few haflas and by email, everything will be flying off the shelves! And, I can add onto the site anything I have made, so it has the potential for selling photographs, cards, fascinators, or even costumes.
I've also drafted an introductory letter and made a promotional flier to send to local restaurants and hotels to advertise myself as a solo performer. I know I'm not a sylph-like youngster any more (not that I ever was, really!), but I'm hoping that I look good enough in the pics to attract some interest. I do have lots of experience and chutzpah, too! And when I say interest, I mean professionally- and to earn some dosh! It might be a bit late for some Xmas events, but it might also be something people might consider for January when they want to pep up trade.
I've also been given the opportunity to do a talk-cum-workshop exploring my dance-as-healing interest- well, I confess it's going to be the next Alternative Show Talk! I have to say that I hadn't considered doing one at all, but Peter somehow talked me into it! But heigh-ho, if I ask the Universe for opportunities, I gotta seize them when they come along!
So, despite the difficulties there are lots of things happenning, which helps to stop me plunging into despair. If I feel as if I am beavering away purposefully then that's much better than slumping into a depressed heap. Being self employed is all about being self motivated, and although I get energised by even modest successes, I easily de-motivated when everything goes quiet.
Anyway, with enough irons in the fire, some things will work out- preferably the best paid ones!

Dance, Healing and Reiki.

Well my half term break turned into a Tax Return sprint! As usual, I'd left most of it to the last minute so had to devote some very intense effort to it! As I don't (yet!) earn huge amounts of money and don't have an Cayman Island bank account or a private island/jet/yacht I am allowed to do a short tax return which is a great relief. So all they need from me is earnings, expenses and the profit or loss- 3 line accounts I think it's called. But behind those 3 figures are a huge amount of collating information-and a bit of detective work! Surprised myself by getting it finished by Thursday so very pleased and relieved.
Did very little in the way of dance or movement over the holiday, but I did have a taster workshop arranged (no one turned up!), and a little informal performance at a friends birthday party. But it's back into the swing of things this week, and the renewed activity has got me all fired up about my idea of combining belly dance moves with healing exercises and practice. I know I'm not the first to think of this idea(!!), but there aren't many people around doing it, so I'm hoping this might prove to be a relatively untapped niche. It would also necessitate a different way of working- rather like my clowning days, where I would expect to do workshops, demonstrations and taster sessions rather than regular classes. This doesn't mean I am giving up on the classes as I still love meeting my lovely ladies every week, but as the classes have dwindled down to 4 I do have  a bit more time for other gigs and bookings. I still am considering promoting myself for other dance related activities, like solo performances, hen nights and talks etc, and I'd still like to develop my jewellery stuff, too.
I have been getting more interested in using Reiki more as well. I have been treating a dear friend for cancer recently, and was delighted to find that the growth had completely dissappeared! The medical profession will no doubt claim it's all down to their radio and chemo therapy, but I'm convinced that Reiki played a big part in this. There are some other complications, though, so I have been working on these too. Will be very interesting to see what happenns- but particularly as it would be fantastic to see her back in good health again- and cancer free! But giving someone Reiki regularly has re-ignited my interest in energy and healing again. I never really forgot about it, but now it feels like a good time to do some research and experimentation. Have been looking into other forms of healing dance, and healing exercise such as Qi Gong, and I'm finding that belly dance seems to blend very well with these fluid oriental movements. My clown training utilised lots of Tai Chi principles, so it doesn't fell like a big step to fuse belly dance and chinese exercise together or create something inspired by both disciplines somehow! I am interested in also including stuff about the chakras, as well as working with symbolic shapes.
And the Universe is giving me lots of opportunities for discovery.....I recently began to get dizzy spells. Have had this before, and one of my students (who is a nurse) reckoned it was low blood pressure. But as the symptoms started to get worse I suddenly had the thought that it might be something to do with the inner ear. So I Reiki-ed my ears. After a day or so my symptoms have lessenned and I've just done some more healing on myself today. Will be very interested in seeing how it all pans out.
The job situation has not improved.Thought I might have had an interview for one job last week, but as it has not been forthcoming so far I need to get on with planning and organising my own gigs and bookings. I can't hold all my weekends free indefinitely for something that might happenn- need to get into planning mode again and start earning some more money!

Irritation and Thinking About Things

It's Sunday morning and I'm looking forward to a week off from classes, but am very aware that I still have to pace myself financially. I'm pleased to say that most weeks between now and Christmas I have a hafla, talk or workshop to earn me some extra money, as my earnings have dropped to about half of what I was earning 3 years ago. But as a self employed person I rarely feel I can totally relax as every penny I earn is (or has been) generated by me. I can remember that when I worked for an employer that it was easy to switch off when you left work and there was a clear demarcation between work and home life. I can even remember what it was like to have evenings and weekends off! It's not my intention to complain, as I still love being self employed, but getting the balance between work and play can be quite difficult. And at the moment I'm feeling that I have to be prepared at any given moment to promote myself if the occasion arises. I've created some fliers that promote all the things I can offer (including classes), so hopefully they are the type of fliers that can sit around for a while on various noticeboards. I'm a great believer in the power of recommendation and organic advertising. What I mean by organic advertising is when someone sees a flier or advert, or sees me and the troupes perform, makes a note of us and then sometime down the line gets in touch- or maybe I meet someone at a social event and after telling then what I do, give them a flier. I think the best kind of advert is when people meet you and find out what you are like, and then decide they would like to book you for an event or come to classes- or even come through a recommendation from someone. Belly Dance is still misunderstood by many people and hopefully when I meet people, I can put their mind at rest that all belly dancers are not salacious, man eating, husband stealing floozies!
Haven't heard from the latest job application, and it's over two weeks ago that I applied. I realise the job market is very difficult, and know lots of people have made hundreds of applications before getting a job, so I am not alone, and am not upset. Either I haven't found the right job yet, or I haven't found the new way to do things. One idea I have had is to explore ideas around dancing or moving with the symbolic shapes we do in Belly Dance, with the intention of self healing. It's something that has interested me for a while, but I feel it needs some further research, to get the ideas into some kind of focus that could be taught.
Which reminds me of something that has got me irritated! Back in the early summer I did a free performance of Belly Dancing at a Mind Body and Spirit show, hoping it would bring some interest and maybe an invitation from the organisers to do a workshop or talk. They did invite me to do a talk/workshop later in the summer, but a couple of weeks before the event I was concerned to find there was no advertising on their website and I'd heard nothing from them about how it was going. After I'd emailed them, they got back to me saying it had been cancelled- but it was a short note with no words of apology or explanation, and I was very dissappointed as I expected them to be people of integrity. You may think I was judging them too quickly, but it's now Oct and I've not heard anything from them since, and to add insult to injury, they have invited a group of tribal belly dancers (who I don't think have any spiritual slant to their work) from up north to take part in a Midlands based music and dance festival they have organised. Maybe I shouldn't expect anything, but I'm cross that they didn't even bother to check if I could have fit the bill first. I'm trying not to hold onto it and I'm not as annoyed as I was before, but it's made me even more determined to not hide myself under a bushel, and to find a suitable MBS event to try out my 'spiritual' approach! I think the best approach to this sort of thing is high visibility!
Went to a talk on Friday that Peter organised on behalf of the Alternative Show with James D'Angelo, who is a talented musician, and sound teacher. I've always enjoyed singing, and especially using my voice to explore spiritual experience and healing, so it was very interesting, and it re-ignited my interest in engaging the body in healing movement. I'd really like to find a way to include live music or sound into the movement too, as that is very powerful. Maybe live drumming or playing Tibetan Bowls could work.....hmmm, food for thought.

Tired Contemplation...and other stuff

Following on from a busy weekend and too much ginger wine last night, I got out of bed in a very grumpy state of mind this morning. A combination of tiredness and alcohol and not enough 'me' time and I was a very unhappy Vally. I briefly considered not going to Tai Chi this morning as I really was in the mood for wallowing in self pity and self righteousness, but I went anyway, and am glad I did as I'm in a much better frame of mind now! Better for me and better for the world!
It all started on Friday afternoon with the radio show, then home briefly before going back out for a Shuvani meet up, then back home to a quick supper before a late visit to the pub (Fridays are set aside usually as our evening out together and a chance to chat)- late to bed- even for me! And it was hard work getting up early enough to meet my sisters at Batsford Arboretum to celebrate youngest sisters birthday-lovely weather, great company and gorgeous surroundings. Then back home to get ready to go to Loreley Rice's hafla in Abingdon, then very late night again, and up again Sunday for a Miramar rehearsal at 10.00am (should have arranged this better!).Not finished yet...off to Stratford for The Buzz Cafe 1st birthday party, then afterwards helping Peter with some shed clearing at Lifeways. Had had enough after a couple of hours, so back home for a TV fest of Strictly, Downton Abbey and the Fades....hence the ginger wine! Looking back over that lot no wonder I was feeling grumpy!! Think I need a rest!

Can't quite believe how quickly the autumn has appeared and it's also almost half term! I feel as if everything is running away from me and I'm trying to keep up! I'm considering whether I need to set up a workshop between now and Xmas. I don't want to get too bogged down with lots of bookings, but as my job prospects aren't very encouraging, I need to continue creating my own work instead. Need to also get going on my promotional stuff, as this might generate some more business.

While watching the performers on Saturday night I contemplated how I am currently with performing myself. Am still going through a bit of a funny phase, but I've realised that while I still love performing, I really enjoy doing it on my own, and especially in a non-judgemental environment - like the general public. I've had problems with self confidence since a child, and find any kind of criticism hard to take, so although most belly dance events are full of supportive friends and teachers, I still feel like I am being judged. Think I'm overly sensitive, but performing in that situation is quite stressful. I feel it's part of my job as a teacher to perform with and for the students, but I have to confess to often finding it hard work- and that's purely my own stuff- not anyone elses! And getting older means I have to adjust to being an older dancer! I've never had a problem showing off vast areas of my body in the past, but recently I've been mortified to see lots of wobbly, overhanging bits, and although losing weight will help with that, I have to accept that my body is different now to what it was 10 or 15 years ago. And that I can't dance in the same way as I did when I started...knees and hips won't allow quite so much energetic leaping around. I still get immense joy from dancing, and I'm an entertainer at heart, so combining those two together is my ideal, but finding the right setting to do that is tricky. I'm wondering if my values and ideas around this are shifting- not sure I'm satisfied with doing it the same way anymore, but equally not sure where I'm going with it all. Hmmmmmm.

Post Souk and What's Next...

Well, the souk went well with no big hitches or problems, I'm pleased to say. All the workshops either met the minimum number or above, so that was good, but the downside is that we just didn't have as many shoppers as I'd have liked. When we did the tea dance I counted 45 in the audience, but that was the most we had in the room at a given point. I counted around 30 shoppers through the door, but it just didn't feel as busy as it has been in the past. Not sure whether having the event on a Sunday was a good or bad thing. I know it suited some people, but not others, but there are pros and cons for and against. But there are still areas we can improve on and I am already considering the next one in May!
But now that's all over I can turn my attention to other things like the radio show, the Christmas hafla and the Belly Dance Spectacular next spring. Not feeling very motivated to arrange any extra workshops or other things though- feels like a lot of extra work I'm not up to coping with.
But although I've only been back at the classes for 4 weeks, I'm already feeling a bit harrassed- which makes me wonder why. One definite message I AM getting though, is that the old ways of doing things don't work any more, so I have to think creatively about my work situation. The job hunting is very slow, so while that's going on I have to try and maximise my opportunities and make the most of what comes my way. The classes are struggling to keep the numbers up, tho' admittedly I haven't done any advertising this term, so I've decided I have to try and use my talents in other ways as well. I've already made a generic flier advertising Belly Dancing in all the forms I can offer (performance, hen parties, talks etc.), and am considering contacting various local organisations that might book me for either performance or a taster fun session. I'm also going to advertise with fliers and electronically after Xmas. Will get some business cards done too so I can have them on my person for any opportunity that comes along! Going to have to be pro-active!
I've also applied for a job as a costumed character at a local attraction in Stratford. Not sure how my CV will shape up next to professional actors, but am hoping I'll get an interview or audition at least. Here's hoping......

Feelin' Fine

About a week ago I was sitting in the loo (bear with me as it doesn't get any more detailed-honest), and worrying about the fact that I hadn't had enough bookings for the souk workshops, and then I looked up and caught sight of the handwash we have on the sink- and it said 'Faith'!! It's been there for ages, but on this particular day the name just seemed to jump out at me- and I had to smile to myself as the Universe was doing it's gently witty thing of reminding me at the same time as being amusing..I really like that! So, I decided I had to let go of my usual worrity thoughts and trust that it would work itself out. And a week down the line, it's almost there! Admittedly I've had to cancel two workshops but they didn't have ANY bookings at all (mine and another), but now I'm delighted to say that most of the remaining workshops have the minimum with a couple over and one just under- and we've got a couple of days to go for any last minute-ers! Each souk is subtlely different from the others, and this time more so as 3 of our usual traders can't make it- but instead we have a new trader, the new Magency Magazine, Dave doing studio shots, a charity stall and a bigger Pamper area, so it's all good. Now I'm beginning to look forward to it, but can't really concentrate on anything else until it's over!
Things are feeling quite abundant at the moment, but it's a bit of a temporary illusion, as much of the money that's flowing into my account will have to flow out again very soon- particularly for the souk. But I'm delighted to have paid one very big debt off, and as long as I'm prudent, I can pay off the others too. However, I'm not quite at the stage where I can allow myself any of the bigger purchases I'd like. But I'm in the process of creating a Treasure Map...I've got the background paper, and now need to gather various pictures for the different aspects I want to feature. I'm going to focus on abundance, so will need to illustrate the things I want to happen- like getting an ideal interesting part-time job that fits perfectly around my teaching and Belly Dance stuff, having a nice holiday, expanding my existing work, getting a camcorder, a digital camera, a new sound system for classes and a new computer etc.
We are having a week off from the radio show, as I need the extra time to prepare for the souk, and Peter is off to visit a friend in Wells. But things are gradually moving on with our proposed re-location. Although we aren't in too much of a hurry, we are coming into the winter which isn't the best time for renovation and decorating work, and we do have a loose-ish deadline to work towards. But I feel that it needs to have it's own pace and that as long as we remain focussed and relaxed about it, it will all work out perfectly! I know I'm right about that,  but it all depends on whether I can stay in the right frame of mind! I know I'm a bit of a drama queen and get overwrought at the drop of a hat, but am trying to temper my behaviour- and walk my talk.
Time now to get on with work (and play!) as Sid will be back and demanding to use the (his) computer. Doesn't hurt to be a bit more disciplined and plan my work pattern a bit to fit around him, but it's not easy!!

Catching Up and Money Stuff

Have just been too busy with work and the souk to write...and I've really missed that. I'm pleased to say that things are flowing very well, including money! It feels as if I've been trapped in a dark cave for weeks and suddenly someone has moved a great big stone from the entrance, and now the light and air is flowing in and I'm free!! However, I'm resisting the urge to spend money now I have some as there are still some debts to be paid, and if the summer situation has taught me anything, it's to be more careful and a little more thrifty- at least for now. It has been a very hard lesson to learn, and I'm not out of the woods yet. I've decided that I want to be debt free eventually, but that will take some time. I can remember when I was younger that everyone regarded buying things on the 'never-never', or having any kind of debt as a Very Bad Thing, and the commonly held view was that you only bought things if you had actual money to do so. I'm not saying that having a debit or credit card is necessarily a bad thing in itself- especially if you use it with care, but accumulating a unpaid debt over a long period of time is not good for many reasons- the debt keeps growing, it's constantly stressful, and the situation is energetically draining. But if I constantly view all my money transactions through a lens of honesty and spirituality, and act accordingly, then hopefully my abundance will increase and my debts disappear! The Findhorn Community use a spiritual approach to money, and they have historically managed to raise the funds to do various projects including extending their land for more buildings and accommodation. They have borrowed money- but always paid it back quickly. I have a feeling that we need to go back to a modern version of the old system our parents used- a really straight forward sensible approach based on the premise that if you don't have the money you can't spend it, and if you do borrow some, you pay it back immediately. And I'm all in favour of the banks splitting their work into two parts- one purely for basic banking, and the other for investments and insurance, etc, so I get a bank that doesn't harrass me trying to sell me all sorts of insurances, loans and upgrades I don't want, and doesn't gamble with my money. I don't know much about the banking or financial system, but I DO know that what we have now doesn't feel right, and evidently isn't working for us anymore. I know that might sound a bit simplistic, but I can't manage the complicated stuff and my brain is already full enough with rubbish to take any more!

But I'm feeling much more cheerful, and undoubtedly the return to classes has helped with that. Admittedly the attendance at the classes is still down, and I don't have any new students at the moment. I've lost a couple of my long-standing students (nothing I did to them, I hasten to add- just life happenning!), so I've now got about half the students that I had about 3 years ago. So I'm continuing in my quest to find a part-time job that will help bring in some extra dosh. Sid has a lot of faith in my ability to act, present or do voice overs, so he encourages me to try and look for those kind of jobs. Well, I've decided that I may as well try to use my God-given talents as not, and if I enjoy the job too, that's got to be a bonus. Plus, I feel that if I search for employment through my genuine interest and liking for a job that's much better energetically than frantically searching in desperation (as I did in the summer!).

And talking of energy, plans for the Radio Shack are seeming to be taking off at their own pace. It's a good sign that with very little input we are getting lots of offers of help, furniture and materials! But to back track- not sure I've mentioned it before, but we are looking into re-locating our base for the show. It feels as if we need to do this to expand, and for it to be separate from Peter's home and work. Can't say too much as it isn't all finalised yet, but suffice it to say we are progressing with our plans with a new venue in mind.

Oops, just looked back and realised that this is turning into a bit of an essay.....better get on with the day!