Am now having serious problems with my computer! I'm writing this using Sid's computer as he is out playing Robin Hood (and no it hasn't got soo bad that he's stealing from the rich to give to the poor -us!!It's archery in case you wondered). Sid has tried all sorts of tricks to get the computer going to no avail, and he's very tenacious, so sadly this probably means some official repairs are needed. As I use my computer so much for work this has serious implications as I can't access all my photos, fliers or email addresses. I am managing some basic word processing on Sid's computer but for anything more complicated I'm stuck! So am waiting for Mel to get back off holiday for him to have a look before taking any further action.
A very good piece of news is that I sold my Clarice Cliffe sugar shaker for a very good sum yesterday! I was sorry to see it go but in truth it had been sitting gathering dust in the china cabinet for years- and I need the dosh! Excited by the experience Sid and I have now been feverishly scouring the house or further hidden treasures. I have feeling that that was probably one of very few items of any value but you never know...I've got various odds and ends I inherited when my parents died, and even if they only fetch a few quid then it all helps. I also feel as if it's a gesture towards clearing the house of junk with a view to eventually downsizing in the next few years.
I've also been scouring the papers for any likely jobs with no success, either, but at least I'm showing willing by putting some energy into it. After feeling so down the other day I sent some Reiki to the situation and also did a bit of 'left hand/stream of conciousness/automatic' writing too, and it feels as if something has subtlely shifted. Must not lose momentum- need to fit some more in. Discipline needed!
I've also decided to give the busking another go. This time I have just two half hour spots and one is in Henley Street (prime spot!). It's also a Sunday this time, so all I need now to help me is the weather and many generous appreciative people!
Could waffle on for longer, but time is getting on and I need to go and buy a birthday card and do some preparation for the radio show today, so will wave goodbye until the next time.....Toodle Pip Boys and Girls!
Friday, 19 August 2011
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Struggling with myself....
Am having very difficult day today- or rather it has been so far-there is still time for it to improve! I've been having problems with my computer refusing to open or opening and then crashing and though Sid has spent quite a lot of time on it he says he is running out of options. This probably means sending it to computer hospital, which has all sorts of implications that don't bear thinking about. So, earlier, trying not to be daunted, I got together my china pieces to sell, along with some jewellery samples to show a shop in Stratford (also to meet Peter re some radio show stuff) and set off in the car. Coming out of the drive the car made a ghastly noise and seemed to list to the right.I drew into the next turning opposite the house and discovered that I had a completely flat front tyre. So flat, in fact that I couldn't get it pumped up with my footpump. Had to throw myself on the mercies of our marvellous and trusty repair man, Tim, and he agreed to come out and take a look at it ASAP. So that put paid to my trip to Stratford, at least for today! So I now have the prospect of no computer and a possible bill to repair it, and no car and a possible bill for that too...and to add insult to injury (yes, really- INJURY!), my hip and back seems a bit worse again today (probably due to the short walk we did yesterday).Unsurprisingly I am feeling very down and fed up. I feel as if every attempt I make to try and improve things/earn money/get a job, is being thwarted at every turn! I'm feeling a bit trapped and don't know which way to go.
The computer has all my files on it not to mention all my email contacts, and although I can do a limited amount on Sid's laptop, it means I can't organise or prepare anything for classes or the souk- it could be very serious if I can't get it fixed pronto. BUT I just don't have any money to pay for any of this!
Just before I started writing I read my previous blog and I reckon I should be listening to myself more- I was writing about the need for change and how it should start with yourself. I'm not taking my own advice! Peter reckons that I'm due for a kind of spiritual 'clearout', and I'm inclined to agree. I feel as if I'm being backed into a corner so I have no choice but to go within and consult with my higher self. I do have a sense of having to let go of certain ways of doing things, and needing to change my mind set...but that can be very hard. But it doesn't look as if I have any choice!
All I can say for now is....watch this space!
The computer has all my files on it not to mention all my email contacts, and although I can do a limited amount on Sid's laptop, it means I can't organise or prepare anything for classes or the souk- it could be very serious if I can't get it fixed pronto. BUT I just don't have any money to pay for any of this!
Just before I started writing I read my previous blog and I reckon I should be listening to myself more- I was writing about the need for change and how it should start with yourself. I'm not taking my own advice! Peter reckons that I'm due for a kind of spiritual 'clearout', and I'm inclined to agree. I feel as if I'm being backed into a corner so I have no choice but to go within and consult with my higher self. I do have a sense of having to let go of certain ways of doing things, and needing to change my mind set...but that can be very hard. But it doesn't look as if I have any choice!
All I can say for now is....watch this space!
Monday, 15 August 2011
Time for Change?
Felt really emotional all day yesterday and for anyone who knows me that's not a good thing! I'm a bit of a drama queen and can get a bit OTT and dramatic, and tiredness just amplifies it. But, although I'm feeling a lot more centred and calm today, the problems are still there. The trick is how I decide to deal with them.
I do take the view that I (and anyone else) am capable of changing my world simply by thinking it into being, but we all have so many inbuilt or learned behaviours that it can be very hard to work out how we are sabotageing ourselves or preventing ourselves from fulfilling our greatest potential! I know I have potential power, but am trying to wrestle with the reasons I'm not allowing it into being. I think we British have such inbuilt reserve that we feel we can't allow our true power out in case we are seen as brash, or boastful or unpopular etc...or is that just me?!! BUT we can be powerful, it's just how we manifest it in the world- we've all met those who use power badly and harm others in the process, but we don't have to follow those models or fear we will make the same mistakes! I try to refer back to my inner guide or higher self, (although that can be quite tricky as sometimes it whispers very quietly!), and if I truly act on that inner message, I can be powerful and centred in a way that has integrity and truth in it. But I make mistakes, and sometimes my ego gets in the way and insists I do what IT wants- I'm learning like everyone else! I believe though, that we now have the opportunity to change the old ways of doing things, and learn new behaviour. 2012 is a pointer to the potential for changing the world and discarding the old systems and ways of behaving that we humans have been involved in for millennia. It seems to me that the message is that the old ways aren't working anymore, and in fact are having an adverse effect on ourselves and the world...and the best place to start change is yourself!
I do take the view that I (and anyone else) am capable of changing my world simply by thinking it into being, but we all have so many inbuilt or learned behaviours that it can be very hard to work out how we are sabotageing ourselves or preventing ourselves from fulfilling our greatest potential! I know I have potential power, but am trying to wrestle with the reasons I'm not allowing it into being. I think we British have such inbuilt reserve that we feel we can't allow our true power out in case we are seen as brash, or boastful or unpopular etc...or is that just me?!! BUT we can be powerful, it's just how we manifest it in the world- we've all met those who use power badly and harm others in the process, but we don't have to follow those models or fear we will make the same mistakes! I try to refer back to my inner guide or higher self, (although that can be quite tricky as sometimes it whispers very quietly!), and if I truly act on that inner message, I can be powerful and centred in a way that has integrity and truth in it. But I make mistakes, and sometimes my ego gets in the way and insists I do what IT wants- I'm learning like everyone else! I believe though, that we now have the opportunity to change the old ways of doing things, and learn new behaviour. 2012 is a pointer to the potential for changing the world and discarding the old systems and ways of behaving that we humans have been involved in for millennia. It seems to me that the message is that the old ways aren't working anymore, and in fact are having an adverse effect on ourselves and the world...and the best place to start change is yourself!
Sunday, 14 August 2011
My Busking Experience
Am sooo tired after yesterday's activities that I suspect it is affecting me emotionally. I am feeling quite depressed and low and very worried about my financial situation.
But back to the busking experience....I decided to wear a galabeya, as it didn't reveal too much and was comfortable to dance in, and after changing at Peter's house I walked down with my trusty purple trolley containing the amp, CD player and various props, CD's and my lunch. I set up at the first spot and after playing a bit of incidental musc to attract attention, I just launched into my first set. I'd created CD's each with four tracks of different types including some veil dances and zils.I decided to improvise as that's what I prefer and it's more flexible. It's pretty hard dancing out doors as I don't feel very centred, so concentrated in dancing to please myself, though I did have a little gentle fun with a few people- like the little 2 year old who tried to copy me, the students who wanted a photo for their project, and a good natured slightly merry guy whose friend took a picture of him joining in! A lot of little girls were fascinated with what I was doing and I earna few pennies from them! After a couple of 20 mins sets I had a short break to eat my sarnies and then set up at another designated spot. This place was a bit more exposed and very breezy so although I had a dismal attempt to perform with a veil, I then concentrated on zils and prop-less performance. When the wind died down a bit I risked using my fan veils and this got a lot of interested attention. By this point I was getting very tired but was bouyed up by the jovial response of the passers by, and had a number of boisterous teenagers and a game biker joining it for a while! After I'd packed up and was ready to go, one older lady called me over and said I should go on Britains Got Talent (bless her!), and also said I was better than the dancers she'd seen in Turkey- so that's where I'm going wrong.....obviously I should be over there earning a living...would be very nice! Was suddenly soo tired I could hardly put one foot in front of the other, but managed to drag myself and my stiff and swollen knees back to Peter's house. Amazingly I hardly felt the hip and back problem or noticed the tiredness until the end, think the adrenaline kept me going! But I also was suprised how much I enjoyed improvising in front of the public again...it's been a while, and after being incapable for so long it felt really good to be moving again. BUT the big down side is that it was an awful lot of work for so little money. I made the grand total of £11.36 for about an hour and 20 mins of solid dancing- not a very good return! And that isn't counting the petrol and the time it took to prepare. AND I discovered when I got back that someone had nicked one of my BDSS CD's that had been lying next to the amp while I was performing... that certainly left a bad taste, and I felt really cross about that! So, I'm pretty ambivalent about doing it again. Maybe a different day and performance spot would make a difference, but there's no denying it's a hard way to earn a living. Restaurant work is also hard but not as tiring as this was- and it's better paid - perhaps I should consider that again? Feeling very confused and not a little bit demoralised - and still penniless!
But back to the busking experience....I decided to wear a galabeya, as it didn't reveal too much and was comfortable to dance in, and after changing at Peter's house I walked down with my trusty purple trolley containing the amp, CD player and various props, CD's and my lunch. I set up at the first spot and after playing a bit of incidental musc to attract attention, I just launched into my first set. I'd created CD's each with four tracks of different types including some veil dances and zils.I decided to improvise as that's what I prefer and it's more flexible. It's pretty hard dancing out doors as I don't feel very centred, so concentrated in dancing to please myself, though I did have a little gentle fun with a few people- like the little 2 year old who tried to copy me, the students who wanted a photo for their project, and a good natured slightly merry guy whose friend took a picture of him joining in! A lot of little girls were fascinated with what I was doing and I earna few pennies from them! After a couple of 20 mins sets I had a short break to eat my sarnies and then set up at another designated spot. This place was a bit more exposed and very breezy so although I had a dismal attempt to perform with a veil, I then concentrated on zils and prop-less performance. When the wind died down a bit I risked using my fan veils and this got a lot of interested attention. By this point I was getting very tired but was bouyed up by the jovial response of the passers by, and had a number of boisterous teenagers and a game biker joining it for a while! After I'd packed up and was ready to go, one older lady called me over and said I should go on Britains Got Talent (bless her!), and also said I was better than the dancers she'd seen in Turkey- so that's where I'm going wrong.....obviously I should be over there earning a living...would be very nice! Was suddenly soo tired I could hardly put one foot in front of the other, but managed to drag myself and my stiff and swollen knees back to Peter's house. Amazingly I hardly felt the hip and back problem or noticed the tiredness until the end, think the adrenaline kept me going! But I also was suprised how much I enjoyed improvising in front of the public again...it's been a while, and after being incapable for so long it felt really good to be moving again. BUT the big down side is that it was an awful lot of work for so little money. I made the grand total of £11.36 for about an hour and 20 mins of solid dancing- not a very good return! And that isn't counting the petrol and the time it took to prepare. AND I discovered when I got back that someone had nicked one of my BDSS CD's that had been lying next to the amp while I was performing... that certainly left a bad taste, and I felt really cross about that! So, I'm pretty ambivalent about doing it again. Maybe a different day and performance spot would make a difference, but there's no denying it's a hard way to earn a living. Restaurant work is also hard but not as tiring as this was- and it's better paid - perhaps I should consider that again? Feeling very confused and not a little bit demoralised - and still penniless!
Thursday, 11 August 2011
Hip, hip hooray!
I'm feeling quite perky at the moment, and much of it is due to the fact that my hip/back has improved a lot, to the extent where I have committed myself to doing some busking this saturday! But more of that later....
The hip and back have improved steadily so now I can lie flat and even get a reasonable sleep at night. It still complains if I overuse it, but mostly in the evenings. I was trying a bit of dancing tentatively yesterday and I realised how much I'd missed being able to dance...that it felt really good! But the enforced rest has given me time for some contemplation, as well as some creative jobs that I don't often have time for, so it's not all bad! I've been thinking for some time that I'd like to explore the spiritual side of Belly Dance, and am drawn to researching and playing with the symbolic shapes that we do as dance moves, with the aim of self realisation and healing. Not sure if that will just remain as an interesting side line or grow into something more substantial, we'll see.
The job hunting is not producing any results so far, I'm sorry to report. I didn't get the full time job I applied for- didn't even get an interview and I reckon I was fairly well qualified for it, too, so it just shows how things are at the moment. They decided so quickly that I wonder if it was really an inside job, and they only advertised it because they are legally obliged to. Hmpf! Their loss!! So, am back to relying on my own resources again and have been touting my jewellery around a number of local shops hoping they might take some on a sale or return basis. It's not a get-rich-quick scheme but at least it will bring a steady trickle of cash in- I hope!
I've almost given up on selling my table as I'm not prepared to let it go for peanuts, and dining tables are just not very popular at the moment, I've been told. Have now moved to examining the antique china I inherited with a view to selling some of that. I must admit to being continously mildy anxious about it getting damaged and don't anyway have the same emotional attachment to it I once had- so one or two of the most choice pieces may have to go...unless there's no interest in china either!
The busking I mentioned earlier is another attempt at earning some money, and also has the added benefit of advertising myself and my classes to the ladies of Stratford. I don't get too nervous about performing in public or out of doors normally, but then it's usually with one of the two troupes, but doing it solo is another kettle of fish altogether! But I'm willing to give it a try. I must admit to not being very impressed with a couple of buskers I saw there the other day- they were meant to be 'living statues' in period costume, but they hardly stood still for more than a few minutes at a time, and mostly just posed for photographs with members of the public! Where is the skill in that?! There are, of course quite a few talented performers around, and as Stratford has an organised scheme they all get a fair chance at the best spots available around the town. I'll be at the amphitheatre on the Bancroft Gardens, and opposite the Encore pub on Waterside doing half hour spots between 12-3.00. I think it may be the Bulldog Bash this weekend, so I might be performing to gangs of bikers....eeek!
One of the reasons I'm feeling much better is a meditation I did with Peter. He has been teaching meditation for a long time, and has developed his own meditations working with earth energies. The meditation we did involved some visualisation which I really like, and it left me feeling much more confident, and feeling like knots had been loosened! I am currently trying persuade him to put these on DVD or CD so lots of people could benefit, but as he's trying to get a website up and running it could take some time.....but if any of you are interested, he runs regular clases in Stratford.
Right, almost time for tea, so I must sign off for now. Wish me luck for saturday!
The hip and back have improved steadily so now I can lie flat and even get a reasonable sleep at night. It still complains if I overuse it, but mostly in the evenings. I was trying a bit of dancing tentatively yesterday and I realised how much I'd missed being able to dance...that it felt really good! But the enforced rest has given me time for some contemplation, as well as some creative jobs that I don't often have time for, so it's not all bad! I've been thinking for some time that I'd like to explore the spiritual side of Belly Dance, and am drawn to researching and playing with the symbolic shapes that we do as dance moves, with the aim of self realisation and healing. Not sure if that will just remain as an interesting side line or grow into something more substantial, we'll see.
The job hunting is not producing any results so far, I'm sorry to report. I didn't get the full time job I applied for- didn't even get an interview and I reckon I was fairly well qualified for it, too, so it just shows how things are at the moment. They decided so quickly that I wonder if it was really an inside job, and they only advertised it because they are legally obliged to. Hmpf! Their loss!! So, am back to relying on my own resources again and have been touting my jewellery around a number of local shops hoping they might take some on a sale or return basis. It's not a get-rich-quick scheme but at least it will bring a steady trickle of cash in- I hope!
I've almost given up on selling my table as I'm not prepared to let it go for peanuts, and dining tables are just not very popular at the moment, I've been told. Have now moved to examining the antique china I inherited with a view to selling some of that. I must admit to being continously mildy anxious about it getting damaged and don't anyway have the same emotional attachment to it I once had- so one or two of the most choice pieces may have to go...unless there's no interest in china either!
The busking I mentioned earlier is another attempt at earning some money, and also has the added benefit of advertising myself and my classes to the ladies of Stratford. I don't get too nervous about performing in public or out of doors normally, but then it's usually with one of the two troupes, but doing it solo is another kettle of fish altogether! But I'm willing to give it a try. I must admit to not being very impressed with a couple of buskers I saw there the other day- they were meant to be 'living statues' in period costume, but they hardly stood still for more than a few minutes at a time, and mostly just posed for photographs with members of the public! Where is the skill in that?! There are, of course quite a few talented performers around, and as Stratford has an organised scheme they all get a fair chance at the best spots available around the town. I'll be at the amphitheatre on the Bancroft Gardens, and opposite the Encore pub on Waterside doing half hour spots between 12-3.00. I think it may be the Bulldog Bash this weekend, so I might be performing to gangs of bikers....eeek!
One of the reasons I'm feeling much better is a meditation I did with Peter. He has been teaching meditation for a long time, and has developed his own meditations working with earth energies. The meditation we did involved some visualisation which I really like, and it left me feeling much more confident, and feeling like knots had been loosened! I am currently trying persuade him to put these on DVD or CD so lots of people could benefit, but as he's trying to get a website up and running it could take some time.....but if any of you are interested, he runs regular clases in Stratford.
Right, almost time for tea, so I must sign off for now. Wish me luck for saturday!
Friday, 5 August 2011
Getting better, and other related stuff....
Just a leetle teensy weeny blogette as there are things to be done and Sid will be home and hungry soon!
The hip/back thingy turned a corner rather abruptly around Wednesday, I'm delighted to report! Think it may have been a combination of Bowen, Reiki and Activated Chi treatment that did the trick! Still getting some pain and numbness but it's a lot better and I can take weight on the leg and even managed a few tentative belly dance moves! Didn't run Wednesday's class as I only had two students and anyway am being cautious about my body. Still got a way to go yet so no busking this weekend either, I think!
However, am off to Brum tomorrow to take the stall to a craft fair, so am hoping to sell plenty of stock- have been making few more items like fascinators, veils and gauntlets.
Sid persuaded me to weigh myself today - and I immediately regretted it! I've been trying to ignore the fact that I'd obviously put on some weight, although in my defence I haven't been able to exercise as much as usual over the last couple of weeks! But I'm horrified at how much the weight has crept back on so will be doing some more severe cutting down of messes for the time being! I lost about a stone a few years ago by simply cutting out 'naughties' at home and only occaisionally having treats when out, and I did it very slowly over 18 months cos I had visions of lots of flappy bits if I did it too quickly! Not looking forward to doing it for so long again but needs must etc!
OK, have just realised that this blog is now getting FAR too large as well (!), and the time is getting on so will sign off for now. Toodle Pip old chaps!
The hip/back thingy turned a corner rather abruptly around Wednesday, I'm delighted to report! Think it may have been a combination of Bowen, Reiki and Activated Chi treatment that did the trick! Still getting some pain and numbness but it's a lot better and I can take weight on the leg and even managed a few tentative belly dance moves! Didn't run Wednesday's class as I only had two students and anyway am being cautious about my body. Still got a way to go yet so no busking this weekend either, I think!
However, am off to Brum tomorrow to take the stall to a craft fair, so am hoping to sell plenty of stock- have been making few more items like fascinators, veils and gauntlets.
Sid persuaded me to weigh myself today - and I immediately regretted it! I've been trying to ignore the fact that I'd obviously put on some weight, although in my defence I haven't been able to exercise as much as usual over the last couple of weeks! But I'm horrified at how much the weight has crept back on so will be doing some more severe cutting down of messes for the time being! I lost about a stone a few years ago by simply cutting out 'naughties' at home and only occaisionally having treats when out, and I did it very slowly over 18 months cos I had visions of lots of flappy bits if I did it too quickly! Not looking forward to doing it for so long again but needs must etc!
OK, have just realised that this blog is now getting FAR too large as well (!), and the time is getting on so will sign off for now. Toodle Pip old chaps!
Tuesday, 2 August 2011
Hip & Bum continued....
Just a word of warning...the hip and bum situation is uppermost, so if you are bored at listening to someone moan about their back problems....switch off now! You have been warned!
Although the anti-inflammatories have helped a bit, I am still in pain and (surprise surprise!) the exercises are not shifting it. I am now convinced that the sciatic nerve is trapped or being pinched and that it really needs a good old poke and prod to release it. I don't have pins and needles any more, but this has now been replaced by a slight numbness and I also seemed to have developed swollen ankles last night because I'm not moving around enough! I'm wondering if my knee injury in Feb has somehow affected my pelvis and this has had a knock on effect. Am getting quite upset and frustrated as this is affecting my ability to dance and teach, and that is potentially very serious! Anyway, Peter has kindly agreed to give me some Activated Chi treatment and my dear pal Claire has also given me a little Bowen Technique, so I am optimistic that will all help, at least for the time being, anyway Thank goodness I don't have my full workload of teaching at the moment. I do, however, have a drop in class arranged for tomorrow night and I'm gingerly trying out the moves I had planned to see if it's at all feasible to go ahead. Last week I only had 2 students which didn't cover the cost of the hall so I'm concerned that I might be making my hip worse for so little income. As to the busking....I didn't attempt it last week and unless there are some dramatic changes I won't be up to it this weekend either.
Last Sundays Tea Party went really well and we had a very good turnout. Think it may have been a lucky combination of sunny weather, therapies and free cake! But all bouyed up by it's success we are contemplating hosting another in the autumn. This coming Saturday I am doing a Craft Fair in Brum- don't very often do them as most of my jewellery is very belly dance orientated, but I've recently been trying to make stuff that is more mainstream. This Sat is a vintage and craft fair so I'm hoping that my rather specialised stock will appeal to the (rather specialised!) clientile, and that I make some money!
The back problem has me feeling very unmotivated as just about everything I have or want to do requires some mobility, maybe I'll have to resort to sewing and jewellery making for the moment.
Although the anti-inflammatories have helped a bit, I am still in pain and (surprise surprise!) the exercises are not shifting it. I am now convinced that the sciatic nerve is trapped or being pinched and that it really needs a good old poke and prod to release it. I don't have pins and needles any more, but this has now been replaced by a slight numbness and I also seemed to have developed swollen ankles last night because I'm not moving around enough! I'm wondering if my knee injury in Feb has somehow affected my pelvis and this has had a knock on effect. Am getting quite upset and frustrated as this is affecting my ability to dance and teach, and that is potentially very serious! Anyway, Peter has kindly agreed to give me some Activated Chi treatment and my dear pal Claire has also given me a little Bowen Technique, so I am optimistic that will all help, at least for the time being, anyway Thank goodness I don't have my full workload of teaching at the moment. I do, however, have a drop in class arranged for tomorrow night and I'm gingerly trying out the moves I had planned to see if it's at all feasible to go ahead. Last week I only had 2 students which didn't cover the cost of the hall so I'm concerned that I might be making my hip worse for so little income. As to the busking....I didn't attempt it last week and unless there are some dramatic changes I won't be up to it this weekend either.
Last Sundays Tea Party went really well and we had a very good turnout. Think it may have been a lucky combination of sunny weather, therapies and free cake! But all bouyed up by it's success we are contemplating hosting another in the autumn. This coming Saturday I am doing a Craft Fair in Brum- don't very often do them as most of my jewellery is very belly dance orientated, but I've recently been trying to make stuff that is more mainstream. This Sat is a vintage and craft fair so I'm hoping that my rather specialised stock will appeal to the (rather specialised!) clientile, and that I make some money!
The back problem has me feeling very unmotivated as just about everything I have or want to do requires some mobility, maybe I'll have to resort to sewing and jewellery making for the moment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)